Elegy
by Melchy
Summary: The death of a dear friend helps Carolyn realize that nothing in life is certain. Written in memory to AmandaFaye, a true lover of GAMM and who posted many fine stories here. Her untimely and sudden passing made us all realize how unpredictable life is.


The characters from the Ghost and Mrs. Muir belong to 20th Century Fox and David Gerber Productions. All other characters belong to the authors. We make no money off of any of them.

This story was written by Mara and Kathy. We want to thank Heidi K who bravely proofed it even though her knowledge of GAMM is slim and found she liked it!

For Amanda

Carolyn Muir hung up the telephone and sat in the chair next to the telephone table. This was one time she was glad to be home alone as she let heavy tears flow. After a few minutes she collected herself and headed upstairs to the main cabin. She rummaged through her closet looking for one certain shoebox. Finding it amongst the piles of other boxes and assorted flotsam that had accumulated in her closet, she sat on the floor, her back against the dresser. This particular shoebox didn't contain shoes but a variety of notes, letters, articles and clippings from her high school days. She liked to think of it as a box of happy memories of a time she loved. To Carolyn Williams, high school had been one of the best times of her life. She had managed to escape most of the teen angst her classmates suffered and had enjoyed a time of youthful exuberance. There were so many great memories of those days – meeting Bobby Muir, dances, football games, double dates, ski trips, summer vacations packed to the gills with fun and freedom. Looking through the box all she wanted to do was climb in and lose herself in the memories of those times, and if possible, find a way to go back in time and do it all again. But, the reality of her telephone call intruded like a great dark cloud – her best high school friend, Amy Mitchell, was dead. Struck down by a brain aneurysm; gone in the blink of an eye. The shock of it rocked Carolyn to her core. Amy was her same age, married with three children. If something like this could happen to Amy it could happen to her.

Carolyn thought about Bobby's death and the cold sickening feeling she got when the police officer told her he'd been killed in an automobile collision. She remembered that she didn't cry until after Bobby's funeral – there had just been too many things to take care of that she couldn't allow herself the luxury of crying. But, after, the tears came with a vengeance. Even now just thinking about it brought back a flood of memories of that week and the miserable, lonely weeks and months that followed. It took her a solid year to work past the feeling that Bob would walk in the door after work as he always did, his tie loosened and whistling. He would toss his car keys on the counter and grab her around the waist. "Hey, Babe, how was your day," he would say before he kissed her. She missed that, Bobby's carefree way. She wished for that familiarity again, that abiding comfort she got from him. It was nearly four years since Bob died and she still longed for him.

Now, Amy Mitchell was dead too. Carolyn felt a torrent of emotions over the news. She was angry that Jenna, Michael and Peter had lost their mom; they were all about the same ages as Candy and Jonathan. She was angry that Elliot Mitchell had to feel the way she felt. Nothing anyone would say could console you after the death of your spouse. She would tell Elliot to call her, but she knew it would be months before he did. That's how it was. You shut down, you hid, and you retreated back into memories of the way it was before they were gone. Then came the "if onlys"- if only she hadn't indulged Bobby that morning, if only they hadn't made plans to have drinks and dinner with Paul and Suse that evening, he might still be here; wouldn't he?

Carolyn cried as hard as she could cry thinking about her friend and all those who loved her and how their lives were changed forever now. There was no going back, no second chances, no if onlys, only the hard truth that death brought.

Hidden from her sight by his invisibility, the ghost of Gull Cottage, Captain Daniel Gregg, watched in silence as Carolyn cried. His heart ached with her sadness. His first thought had been to go to her and comfort her, but he knew she needed time alone. If there was one thing he'd learned in the three years she'd been living in his house it was that Carolyn Muir valued her time alone. He would wait and keep an eye on her then approach her later and offer his condolences and a shoulder to cry on. After all, he knew a little something about death. He wondered, as he watched Carolyn, if she was thinking about his death. He hoped not – because his death, unlikely as it was, was the one thing that brought them together. If he hadn't died when and how he did they would never have met. In a perverse twist of fate his death had wrought only good, and he was thankful for it. He knew, though, that she was thinking about her deceased husband and he scolded himself over the twinge of jealousy he felt. It was wrong of him to want Carolyn's tears for himself, to have her cry over his death the way she cried for her husband, he hated himself for wanting it. Especially since he had her now and her husband didn't.

Some time later, before the children returned from school and Martha returned from a junket to Belfast, Carolyn managed to compose herself. But, she sat forlornly on the window seat in the parlor lost in thought.

"My Dear," Captain Gregg said as he materialized next to her, "is there anything I may get for you?"

"Oh, no, Daniel, there isn't. But, thank you," she said softly.

"I am sorry about your friend's death, Carolyn. I know it's been a great shock to you."

"Thank you, Daniel." Tears spilled down her cheeks as she looked at him.

Daniel pulled her into his embrace and felt all the anguish and pain she was feeling. He held her against him and tried to soothe her as she cried. The cruelness of Fate never ceased to amaze him and he silently cursed it.

"It's just not fair," she said after a while, looking up at him with red rimmed eyes, her beautiful face streaked with tears. "Amy had so much to live for. She and Elliott had just managed to buy that house in Old Town they've wanted for years and she was so excited about going back to work part-time. She loved working for Mr. Donaldson and was looking forward to being back on the 'cusp of the legal world' as she put it. They were," her voice trailed off. "They were going to have a celebratory dinner for her next Friday." The tears started fresh. "She begged me to come and I told her I just couldn't, maybe next time." She buried her face against Daniel's chest, her body shaking with sobs. "Jenna won the piano competition for her district, Amy was so proud."

Daniel just held her, wishing he could do something to comfort the one he loved. But he knew from experience that people could say all they wanted but it never really became the salve they intended it to be. He had never understood it when, as a young boy, people had told him he would get over his mother's death. Over a hundred years later, he still missed her fiercely.

The sound of an approaching car seemed to jar Carolyn back into the current world; Daniel let her go with a gentle squeeze. Peeking out the window she saw Mrs. Coeburn dropping Candy and Jonathan off and she closed her eyes as though saying a quick prayer. "I've got to tell them," she said more to herself than to him. He watched as Carolyn did her best to dry her eyes and pull herself together. Knowing she needed to be alone with the children, he left the room, but didn't go far--the alcove a safe retreat.

The kids came in the house; Candy's arms full of books, Jonathan's backpack slug over one slim shoulder while he carried his trumpet in the other hand. They were talking and laughing over something that apparently had happened at school that day and Carolyn wondered if she should tell them later. No, it had to be now.

"Hi sweeties," she called out to them, hoping her voice didn't give away that she been crying.

"Mom." They both looked up at her and she could see the concern on their faces. They came to her and both of them hugged her tight. "What's wrong Mom?" Candy asked, her pixie face already cast in a shadow. "Are Grandma and Grandpa alright?"

"They're fine." Carolyn nodded, not wanting to let either one of them go. "But I did get a call from Aunt Suse today. Um, I, she, she said that Aunt Amy died last night."

"Aunt Amy?" Jonathan's face turned white and Candy's eyes filled with tears. "What happened?" they asked together.

She sat there telling them everything she knew, trying to keep her composure as she did so. For some reason this seemed to be harder than telling them about their father's death. Perhaps because they were older and had more of an awareness of what had happened? "I'm going to call Uncle Elliott tonight and see if they need anything," she finished up.

After trying to choke down of what she would usually call a delicious meal, she went upstairs to make her call, almost hoping that no one would answer the phone. But Peter's still baby sounding voice answered on the third ring and she talked to the 8 year old for several moments, before Elliott's voice came on the extension.

Ever the consummate professional, his tone was steady and low as he talked, but as their conversation continued, his voice began to waver. "The funeral will be Friday," he said. "That much I've been able to put my foot down about. And, it will be at Grove Presbyterian in the chapel. Amy's parents are insisting on cremation and the ashes in the family vault at Beaumont but I want to bury her on the hill at St. Wesley's Chapel. It's only right, Carey, she loved it there so much."

She offered a lot of things, not sure if he would even remember the conversation, five minutes after she hung up. He thanked her for calling and she assured him she'd be there Friday. Afterwards, she pulled out her high school yearbook out of its place and sat looking through the old pictures and faded writing. When Daniel found her two hours later, she was sleeping with the book still lying on her chest, a picture of her and a very pretty girl dressed for a dance. "_To Carey. Don't we look beautiful, Love, Ame_."

Daniel Gregg wished he had the power to change what had happened. He struggled watching Carolyn suffer through another painful experience. He wished he could take all of her pain. He pulled the book from her chest gently, covered her with the afghan and left her to sleep. The banquette in the main cabin was a comfortable enough place to sleep and he hated to awaken her for fear that the tears would begin again. He vanished for the wheelhouse. He sat at his desk and tried to work on his sea charts but memories of his own past intruded. He had known death in many ways over his life.

His time in the Navy during the war with Mexico had shown him more of man's brutality than he ever could have imagined. He saw a lot of men, good men, killed in the most horrific ways and it changed him. He returned from the Battle of Vera Cruz pessimistic and cynical. People weren't fundamentally good; they were fundamentally selfish and petty. Force and violence seemed to be the way things were accomplished, he'd found. He sunk into a depression in those months and he hated it. He wanted to go back to a time before the war and find himself again. To find that twenty-year-old Daniel Gregg who was boisterous and lusty and restless to see the world. He remembered thinking that that Daniel Gregg was dead and buried. He hated the war and hated what it left in its wake. It had changed him forever.

He thought about the other war in his lifetime – the War Between the States and he hated that. He hated the ugly truths behind it. He hated that it pitted brother against brother. While he had personally spent most of those years in other parts of the world, he had returned to America only to find that the country was in a pitiful state. He came to Schooner Bay to learn that many young men he knew had been killed. Their families were torn apart and the small town was depleted and desperate.

He recalled the men in his crew who had died; He'd made light of the cook who was washed overboard in a freak squall, but he'd done that to keep from crying. There were others, too, all of them friends, who had met their ends and were bound for Davy Jones' Locker. Death at sea was common and as captain, Daniel Gregg, had to be firm and lead his men on. But, the death of every crewman meant something to him and he recalled the nights he silently wept for each.

Now, in his own after-life, he was once again facing the inevitability of death. All the clichés raced through his brain – with life there is death, death is only the soul reborn, and others. But he had a singular perspective on death and he knew the truth of it. Death was not the end, but the beginning. In the days following his death he'd found comfort in the words of John Donne's poem and he hoped that now Carolyn would, too. He materialized to the main cabin, found the book of poems and left it on her desk, open to that page.

_Death be not proud, though some have called thee_

_Mighty and dreadful, for, thou art no so,_

_For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow_

_Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me._

_From rest and sleep, which but they pictures be,_

_Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,_

_And soonest our best men with thee do go,_

_Rest of their bones, and souls delivery._

_Thou are slave to Fate, Chance, kings and desperate men._

_And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,_

_And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well,_

_And better then thy stroke; why swell'st thou then;_

_One short sleep past, we wake eternally,_

_And death shall be no more, death, thou shalt die_.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Carolyn woke up with a crick in her neck and a dry taste in her mouth. Getting up carefully from the banquette, the afghan fell to the floor and she let it lay there for the time being. Laying the book aside, she put one foot on the floor and then the other, noticing she was still in her slippers. What time was it?

The ship's clock chimed the answer; it was 6:00 a.m. She had slept the night there on the banquette. She walked over to the desk slowly, trying to clear her mind. Even though the French doors were shuttered she could still hear the sound of ocean beneath her and the cry of the gulls that gave her home its name. Scruffy barked as Martha let him out, a squirrel scampered up the fence; the smell of coffee began to fill the house. The world was exactly the same as it was every morning, except that Amy was no longer in it. Amy.

The phone rang and she reached for it, not sure who might be calling this early. "Hi Carey." it was Janie Fraser a long life friend. I just stopped by the Mitchell's to see if they needed anything. Elliott is trying so hard to be brave it's killing me. "

"I know, I talked to him last night, I know how he's feeling, but at the same time I don't. I wasn't sure what to say."

"The kids seem to be taking it pretty well, but I don't think it's actually sunk in yet. I'm not sure it's sunk in for me yet."

She talked to her friend for about half an hour, then made an excuse and hung up. Talking about Amy wasn't helping. She felt she should be doing something; but what? Looking at the pile of bills waiting for her attention (life really did go one no matter what) she saw the book, propped open to the middle. Slowly she read the poem and knew instantly that Daniel had left it for her to find. Putting a ribbon in the place, she closed it and then held the book close for a moment. This is how they would say goodbye to Amy, she thought.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thursday morning came much too soon for Carolyn Muir and her heart was heavy as she finished packing a small suitcase for the few days she would be in Philadelphia. She'd spent the night before looking over all the items in her memory box and she had taken a few out to share with Suse and Janie. As she placed the items in a folder she re-read one for what seemed the hundredth time.

"How Well Do You Know Me?

Ame – you'd better get the correct answers! –Carey

1. Where you and I met: _First period home room at East High School, 1950!_  
2. Your first impression of me upon meeting me/seeing me: _I think we will be friends forever_.  
3. Take a stab at my middle name: _Joy_  
4. How long you've known me: _Four years! Hooray Seniors! _  
5. The last time that we saw each other: _Today_  
6. My most daring feat? _Actually dissecting that frog in junior year biology – yuck!_  
7. The love of my life: _Dreamy Robert Wagner! _  
8. Am I funny? _Always!  
_9. My favorite type of music: _Frank Sinatra._

10. Can I sing? _Yes, but you rarely do_.  
11. The best feature about me: _Staying sweet forever._  
12. What do I want to do more than anything? _GRADUATE!_  
13. What is one thing that you think I should do? _Be a writer_.  
14. How many places have I lived? _Just good ol' Philly_.  
15. Would you call me a prep, average, sporty, glamorous, or something else? _Oh so prep!_  
16. Have you ever hugged me? _Yes._  
17. My favorite food: _Cheese Steaks!  
_18. If I were anyone other than me, who would it be? _Doris Day!  
_19. If there was one good nickname for me, it would be: _Careyboo!_

20. Your favorite memory of me: _Working on the homecoming float our sophomore year. How much glue did we spill?_  
21. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring: '_Look' magazine_  
22. What is one of my annoying habits? _Always getting the highest mark on English tests._  
23. Who are my best friends? _Me, Janie, Suse and Bobby!_  
24. Do I believe in God? _Yes._

Carolyn's mind was flooded by memories of Amy and all the times they spent together. There had been more good times than sad ones, but this was the saddest time of all. Carolyn wasn't sure she would make it through the funeral and why Elliott had asked her to give the eulogy she didn't know. She was no public speaker. But, Janie and Suse would be there to support her and she had to get through it for Elliott and the children. She closed the suitcase and headed down stairs. Ed Peevy was driving her into Portland to catch a flight.

Daniel materialized as she came to the bottom of the staircase. "All packed, my dear?"

"Yes, Daniel," she said quietly.

"I do wish you would let me accompany you on this trip," he said.

"I know you do, Daniel, but I'd rather you stay here with Candy and Jonathan. I'll be alright. I'm staying with Janie and we'll be fine."

Daniel smoothed his hand up her arm to her shoulder. "I'm only a call away, should you need me."

Carolyn smiled up at him, the first smile she'd managed since receiving the sad news, "Thank you, Daniel." Carolyn fell against his chest and felt the tears start again.

"Oh, my dear, I cannot bare to see you in such a state," he said, a slight quiver in his voice. "Your tears are more distressing to me than any peril could ever be."

Carolyn hugged him tightly, seeking his strength to help her through the days to come. Ed Peevy took that moment to give the horn of his truck a quick honk, startling Carolyn back to reality.

"Thank you, Daniel," she reached up and kissed him. "I love you."

"As I do you, my dear," he said.

Candy and Jonathan came tramping in from yard. "Mom, Mr. Peevy's here," Jonathan announced.

"I heard his horn." She drew her children to her. "Now, the Captain is in charge while I'm gone, and I expect a good report," she said.

"Sure, Mom, just like always," Candy answered; she leaned against the sea captain.

"And, please, no hassles over homework or bedtimes," Carolyn urged.

"Fear not, my dear, this crew shall toe the line," Captain Gregg said.

Carolyn gave each of her children and hug and a kiss, "I'll call you when I get to Aunt Janie's," she told them. Then she gave Daniel another quick kiss. Peevy was at the door to help her out with her bags and Martha was letting him in.

"I'll call as soon as I get to Janie's," Carolyn told her housekeeper. "And I'll call right before I leave. I should be home sometime on Sunday."

"You have a safe trip." Martha handed her a small bag, "and please give Mr. Mitchell my condolences"

"I will." Carolyn gave her a hug.

"Ready to go Mrs. Muir?" Ed asked as he opened the door of his truck.

"Yes," she smiled. "Everyone be good," she said, giving everyone one last smile before climbing up into the cab. It was time to go.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The flight to Philly wasn't long, but too long to not think about Amy. Carolyn had tried so hard to keep her mind busy in the last few days, but now the hours were stretched before her and she couldn't help but think about her friend. Her father always said that she and Amy were like the front and back of the same piece of bread. During four years of high school there wasn't a day they hadn't spent together or talked to one another. They dressed the same way, had the same thoughts, likes and dislikes. Even after Carolyn had started seriously dating Bobby and Amy was going through the "wilderness years", they never went a day without speaking.

A montage of scenes went through her mind, all sweet memories of long ago. She could still see so clearly the night that she, Amy, Suse and Janie had stayed up until 2 in the morning to make cookies for a bake sale to help a student's family that had lost everything in a fire. The sight of Amy trying to sneak a puppy into school past Principal Davis's office was one that still caused Carolyn to roll with laughter, and then there was the whole incident at the senior prom when Amy and Felicia Arnold had worn the same dress. What times they had had!

And she would never forget that call at two in the morning, Amy not being able to wait to tell Carolyn that she had met "him." "I know he's the one Carey, I'm positive. And I hope you like him because if you don't, I'm going to have a tough time choosing." Elliot was shy and quiet but he had fit into their group very well. And she had been right; he was the perfect one for Amy.

Doug picked her up at the airport and they headed straight for the funeral home. ' Elliott's parents just got in from Florida," he told her as they headed towards the parkway. "I think he's glad to be able to fall a little now that they are here for support. He's been doing so well, I know I'd just fall apart if I ever lost Janie."

"You do what you have too," Carolyn said thoughtfully, thinking of those early days after losing Bobby. "And, you do get through it, even though you're sure, you won't."

"Hey," Doug said, trying to change the mood of the conversation, "do you remember when Amy went into labor at Suse and Paul's wedding?"

"Do I ever," she laughed. "She didn't want to tell anyone and she was sure she could make it through the end, but the contractions were coming faster than she thought they would and right after Rev. Bishop had said 'does anyone have any reason why these two shouldn't be joined together', someone shouted out THAT word from the back of the church!"

The lights from Raleigh's Funeral Home were bright as they pulled up into the parking lot and Carolyn prepared herself for what was about to come. It was good to see Susannah and Paul, Janie came over and the three remaining in their group, hugged and cried. Carolyn greeted Elliott's parents, whom she barely knew and Amy's parents, who she knew perhaps too well, spent several precious moments with her own parents, and talked to Ralph and Marjorie. She found Elliott sitting alone in one of the prayer rooms, and he got up slowly almost apologetically from his kneeling position.

'I'm so glad you could come, Carolyn," he hugged her. "I know it would have met a lot to Amy."

"How are you doing?" she asked him, noting the tired look in his eyes, the beginning of wrinkles on his face. This was not an easy road he was going down, but he would survive it.

"I'm alright." he shrugged. "I'm mostly worried about the kids. Jenna is taking it well, maybe too well and Peter isn't taking it well at all. I can't tell about Mike, he doesn't talk to me or to anyone else. But he's been a huge help around the house. I just don't know what to say to them, or to anyone. Carey, I try to not to let it show, but I don't have any wind without Amy. I'm just a boat that can't go anywhere."

"I know. I know." She hugged him closer. "But the wind will come again, I promise. It will be from a different direction and may not be quite the same, but the boat will sail again, I promise."

He nodded in that way she knew so well, the way she had for so long when people had told her she would go on after Bobby and she hadn't believed them. "I need to go back out there, but I found something in Amy's jewelry box and I thought you might want it. I think it's some kind of a game."

After he left, Carolyn unfolded the piece of paper and read it through, not even trying to stop the tears.

"How Well Do You Know Me?

I'm sure they are right, even the ones you don't think are!

1. Where you and I met: _First period home room at East High School, 1950!_  
2. Your first impression of me upon meeting me/seeing me: _I think we will be friends forever_.  
3. Take a stab at my middle name: _Diane. _

4. How long you've known me: _Four very long years, not because of you! _  
5. The last time that we saw each other: _Today_  
6. My most daring feat? _Sneaking the puppy in past old man Davis's office!_  
7. The love of my life: _Rock Hudson! _  
8. Am I funny? _Always!  
_9. My favorite type of music: _Whoever is popular at the moment._

10. Can I sing? _Yes, but not near enough._

11. The best feature about me: _honest and loyal as the day is long..._  
12. What do I want to do more than anything? _Get out of this school and the diploma to prove it. _

13. What is one thing that you think I should do? _Be president. _

14. How many places have I lived? _Just good ol' Philly_.  
15. Would you call me a prep, average, sporty, glamorous, or something else? _I've got to go with prep! _

16. Have you ever hugged me? _Yes._  
17. My favorite food: _fried rice from Chinatown_

18. If I were anyone other than me, who would it be? _Rosemary Clooney_

19. If there was one good nickname for me, it would be: _Amybabes_

20. Your favorite memory of me: _"Accidentally' spilling blue paint on the senior float our freshman year. _

21. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring: '_your hair brush._

22. What is one of my annoying habits? _being the life of the party_

23. Who are my best friends? _Me, Janie, Suse and Ben. _

24. Do I believe in God? _Yes._

Tucking it against her heart, she went back out to see what else needed to be done.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

At Gull Cottage, Daniel paced in the main cabin, checking the time against the clock on the mantel, his pocket watch and the sky. Why hadn't Carolyn called yet? He hoped she was all right and only delayed by seeing her friends again. He worried about her, but he knew that she could take care of herself. He knew it, but he wanted to take care of her, it was his way and this was one time he felt that she needed him. But, he also knew she had to deal with her grief in her way.

He stepped behind the telescope and looked out to the sea. His mind went back to a time of immense sadness for him when he buried a very dear friend. He knew exactly how Carolyn felt, anyone who had been in that unenviable position would. Dealing, as he did, with his own death didn't make it any easier to deal with memories of those he'd lost. For the first time in a hundred years, Daniel Gregg sat down and cried. He cried for all those he'd lost and he cried for Carolyn and her grief. He knew he'd never understand what she went through when her husband died and he cried because he knew that even when she died she would still be with him. Fate had cast upon them a curse and a blessing. He and Carolyn would be together for eternity, but she would never again be with her husband.

He cried because he felt cheated by death, but he thanked Providence for giving him a second chance.

He was so entwined in his own thoughts that he didn't hear Candy come into the main cabin. "Captain," she said softly, placing her hand on his shoulder, "are you okay?"

He looked up at her, hoping his eyes didn't show his tears. "Yes, Candy."

Candy could see that he was crying. "I'm sad, too…. about Aunt Amy. I just don't understand why she died." Candy flopped down next to the seaman. "It's just not fair."

Daniel Gregg put his arm around the girl, "It isn't fair at all, Candy and that's why it's so painful."

"I remember when Daddy died…sort of…I remember Mom crying a lot and Daddy never coming back. Sometimes I miss him." She looked at the Captain, "Even though we have you."

"I understand, dear. He was your father and it's right for you to miss him. I know your mother misses him, too."

"You do?"

"Yes, I know she does and I expect her to for a long time. That's how it is when you lose someone you love."

Candy leaned against the ghost, "I wish everyone who died could be a ghost like you, then it wouldn't be like they really died."

Daniel placed a kiss on top of her head. "Sometimes I wish that, too."

Candy hugged the sea captain, "I love you, Captain and I'm glad you're never going to die."

He hugged Candy. "I love you, Candy dear."

OOOOOOOOO

The funeral was set for one o'clock, but people had been gathering for at least half an hour before. Elliott looking tired in a black suit, but still shaking everyone's hands, accepted many hugs, and tried to smile. Jenna, looking much more grownup than her 14 years, stayed close to her brothers, and only spoke when spoken to. Carolyn's heart ached for them, but she knew that there really wasn't anything she could do to help. They would have to work that out for themselves.

She was glad that Amy would be laid to rest at St. Wesley's chapel, a beautiful spot on the river that had always been a favorite of hers. They used to come out to the chapel, walking along the cemetery, Amy loving to look at the names and wonder what that person had been like and trying to figure out families. "It's so sad to think that they were real people and this is all that's left of them," she would say.

The service would be at the chapel itself, Amy's grandfather; a Methodist minister would be officiating. Carolyn watched Jenna as she came up the walk with her two brothers; all three of them looking scared and tired and her heart went out to them. Jenna waved and Carolyn walked over to them, taking all three in her arms, holding them for a moment. The boys gave her shy smiles and ran off towards their grandparents but the teenager stayed close by.

"Mom would hate all the black, Aunt Carey," Jenna sighed as the two walked in arm in arm into the chapel. "She loved red. And she would hate all the quiet; I think she would rather have a party."

"You're right, Jen." Carolyn nodded. "She would. Your mother loved parties and dancing. Of course, just being with her was like a party. She made everything fun." Carolyn remembered Amy's Sweet Sixteen party and how much fun it had been. She remembered the two of them celebrating their eighteenth birthdays together and how Amy had come back from Penn State just to be with her on her twenty-first. The memories of those parties were vivid in her mind's eye and she wished she could convey to Jenna how much each one had meant. "Your Mom was one of the greatest ladies ever put on the earth. I can't really tell you, just how much she meant to me; to everyone whose lives she touched. I still remember the day she called and said she was expecting you. She was so excited she could barely get the words out. It was like playing charades on the phone!"

"That's just like Mom," Jenna agreed. "Daddy always says she talks in charades. When she gets excited she waves her hands and her mouth comes open and she can't get the words out. Like she did the day I won the competition," the girl's voice trailed off. "Aunt Carey, why did Mom have to die?"

"I wish I could tell you the answer to that, but I can't. They say God has his reasons and we have to trust him, but I wish I knew why he thought he needed your mom more than we do."

They were in the small chapel now and Jenna's maternal grandparents were calling her to join them. She gave Carolyn a hug and then ran off to be with them. Thankfully the Spenser's had agreed to the funeral being here and Amy being buried here as well; once less worry for Elliott to have to wade through.

Carolyn took her seat beside Susannah, giving her friends a smile as she sat down. Looking down at the program she had been given with Amy's smiling face on the cover, she saw that song they were playing was _"It is Well with My Soul_." It was a gorgeous song the filled the small chapel with its melody. No, she thought, it's not well. Amy deserved to live a full and happy life. Not to be cut down before she even reached 40, to be kept away from her husband and children.

A man she didn't know that was listed as the pastor of Pine Presbyterian where the Mitchell's went, got up and said a prayer and then a group of high school boys sang _Savior Like a Shepherd Lead Us_. Amy's father got up and spoke and so did her brother Ryan, who looked like he might cry at any moment.

Then suddenly it was her turn and her mind went blank. The carefully prepared speech about Amy was gone and she was left with only the poem to console her. Gripping the book in her hands, she approached the podium and laid the pages open, looking at the familiar words."

"Amy was my friend," she said softly. "To know Amy was to know a part of life that was yours alone. She was loyal and kind and brave and was the best friend anyone could want, but none of those things really describe who she was. Because Amy was just, well, she was Amy. And I will miss her very much. She always had a ready smile, a willing hand, and a comforting shoulder. Amy would be the first to arrive and the last to leave every party and that was good because no matter what the occasion, she was the life of the party. I think her gregarious nature is what drew us all to her. It made her a terrific friend, a vibrant wife and a loving mother. She was the perfect compliment to Elliot and she made us love him, too. Her life goes on in the hearts and minds of her children, each of them carrying on her affable ways. I think that's what really helps us – knowing that Amy's still with us in her children and in her un-ending love for them and Elliott."

Carolyn felt on the verge of tears but steadied herself and continued on. "A friend reminded me this week of the true meaning of death – that there's eternity and salvation and death cannot take that from you. John Donne's poem reminds us that we all triumph in the end," Carolyn said and then recited the poem Daniel had left for her a few days before.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

After the service and the drive to the cemetery, Carolyn, Suse, Janie, Paul and Doug returned to the Mitchell house. Elliott's parents were there, as were Amy's. Carolyn's parents had arranged to have a deli tray ready and delivered to the house, which was a weight off Elliott's mind. He had no appetite, but he knew friends would stop by to see him and he wanted to be able to offer them something. The awkwardness of the afternoon gave way to genial conversation and soon they were all sharing stories of Amy and even laughing. Carolyn was reminded that it usually took such an event to bring friends and family together; what a shame, she thought.

After a time, she was able to speak to Elliott alone. "Any time you need to talk, just call, Elliott, I mean it."

"I know, Carey. I will," he said softly. He eased himself down on to the sofa next to her

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Carolyn asked.

Elliott took in a deep breath and shook his head. "Bring her back," he managed to say before a torrent of tears over took him.

Carolyn let him fall against her in a comforting embrace. She knew exactly how he felt and that this would be only one of many times Elliott would ask that Amy be brought back and that he would weep over his loss. How many times had she wished that Bobby could come back? How many nights had she cried herself to sleep? How many times had she fallen asleep on the sofa instead of their bed because it was just easier than remembering? She wished she could bring Elliott forward to a place where the pain and grief weren't so raw, but she knew that he needed to work through it as she did. That was the process, that's what got you moving and back on track. She held him in her arms and let him give release to his pain.

"I sat there today," he finally said, "and thought about what Amy would say about everything. I kept thinking how much she would have loved to have seen Ryan and how she would have made fun of her Aunt Louella's hat and that she would have said she would die to look as good in black as Suse. I kept wishing she were here to sit with the boys and tell them what all of this meant, because I had no idea what to do or say. Amy was always the one that made things make sense. She was the one that got things done and made our house a home. She would be in her element here, making sure everyone was fed, had plenty to drink, making everyone feel special." His voice cracked and a tear escaped. "I'm not sure I can be as brave as you were when you lost Bobby." He looked her in the eye.

"Oh, no, Elliott." She shook her head. "No, Ell, I wasn't brave. I was scared. I was so afraid that someone might find out I had no idea what was going on; that I had no idea what to do. I was frightened and confused and I begged God to send Bobby back, even if it was just for five minutes so I could find out what to do. If I appeared brave it was all an act. I had to do something to keep my head together and make it look like I knew what I was doing. It was the worst time of my life. I knew I had everyone fairly well fooled, but inside I was dying. I didn't know who to turn too, or what to do. I felt like I had just the hem of my life in my grasp and that at any moment, I was going to lose it."

"Did anything help?" He looked interested she thought.

"Talking to someone. I mean I did talk to Suse and Janie and well…Amy. And, I had long conversations with my mother and grandmother, but in the end the thing that helped the most was to talk to someone who could really help me think past me and see what my thoughts really were."

"Like a shrink?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Like a shrink. I will tell you that was a very hard decision to make. I didn't want to do it. It would mean showing a side of me that was vulnerable, the side I try to hide from the world. I tried to tell myself that I didn't need to, that in a few weeks I'd be fine. But I was always looking for those next few weeks and one day I knew. If I was going to be any kind of person, daughter, parent, friend, I really needed to do this." She saw a notebook and pen lying on the coffee table. It was one of the many Amy kept around the house to jot down thoughts with, 'So I don't forget something brilliant,' she would say. Carolyn wrote down a name and telephone number. "Keep it Ell. And if you need it, use it."

"Thanks Carey," he said quietly taking the paper from her.

OOOOOOOOOO

By Sunday morning Carolyn felt she was all cried out for the time. She and Suse and Janie had spent so much time remembering Amy and alternating between laughing and crying that she felt a little better. She knew it would be a while until she could make her peace with what had happened and she knew she would never forget Amy. Even though they hadn't seen much of each other in the last three years anytime they were together it was as if no time had passed. Amy used to say they had a "rubber band friendship. No matter how far you stretch it, it always comes back to the place it started." That was so true, Carolyn thought. She would miss Amy in so many ways.

The flight from Philadelphia to Portland passed with no problems and Ed Peevy met Carolyn to drive her back to Schooner Bay. She was glad to be back in Maine, even though it felt about twenty degrees colder than it had in Philly. She had to admit it, Maine was home now and she was happy and her children were happy. Philly held too many memories that she wasn't inclined to relive just yet. Maybe in time she would move back. She'd promised herself five years in Maine and the first three had passed in the blink of an eye. But, now with Amy gone she didn't see much reason to stick to her five-year plan.

When she arrived back at Gull Cottage everyone was waiting for her. She hugged Jonathan and Candy to her and held them tightly. "I missed you so much," she said.

"We missed you too Mom." they said, unspoken words going between the three of them, happy that they still had each other and sad that those close to them did not. Martha met her with a sympathetic smile and a cup of coffee and a warm cinnamon role. "Only three days are you are already skin and bone." the housekeeper teased.

Captain Gregg arrived in the midst of it all, his arms opening to embrace Carolyn warmly and she indulged herself for a moment, leaning against his chest. "I'm very glad you are once more at home." he said, his eyes looking deep into hers. "It's not the same when you are not aboard."

"I missed you too Daniel." She smiled at him, kissing his cheek and even when she sat down to her waiting food, she held his hand a while longer. It was so good to be home.

But she found it very hard to settle back into her normal routine. She still found herself in the middle of the day wondering if Amy would call with one of her "random acts of brilliance" to share. She had them all collected in a notebook, thinking they might come in handy someday. It was so hard to believe that the mail wouldn't have letters from her any longer, that the unexpected package or flower delivery wouldn't be from her. She found herself calling Suse and Janie more, wanting to spend as much time with them as possible. She became more likely to stop working at night after the kids got home, and started to spend an hour of each day with Daniel, even if it was nothing more than going for a walk. One day a week, Carolyn and Martha would go into Keystone, Berlin or Castine and go for tea or a movie, maybe do some shopping. Carolyn hoped she wouldn't fall back into her old ways. Life was precious and so were the people in that life. She didn't want to squander any time she had with them.

It was about three months after Amy's death that Carolyn woke up one morning, overcome with sadness. Things had been going well and she couldn't place a finger on her moroseness. Getting out of bed, she went to her desk, her fingers going straight for the book of Amy's quotes she kept tucked in the drawer underneath notes for the new book she was working on. She went through each page, all filled with the "wisdom" of her friend.

_Never leave a martini glass where a cat can get it. 9 out of 10 the glass will get stuck on the cat, the cat will dance around like lunatic while you try to remove said glass and you both end up really needing that martini_.

_Men are not completely useless. If we didn't have them who would we blame stuff on?_

_Children are a true gift from God. But sometimes don't you wish he would provide a babysitter?_

She read the writing over twice and when she finished she knew what she would do. She would write a book. A book about all of them, Amy, Susannah, Janie, and Carolyn. It would be their book, about their lives, a book of their loves, wants, desires, accomplishments, mistakes and triumphs. A book that would keep Amy with them forever. It would be brilliant.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was very late that night when Captain Gregg materialized in the main cabin. Carolyn was typing away furiously. "Still at it, my dear?" the seaman asked.

"Just a few more minutes, I want to get this down before I forget." She didn't look up at him and kept typing. "There," she announced. "Was there something you needed, Daniel?"

"No, my dear, I was merely checking on you. It's quite late and you're typing away. It must be very important."

"It is. I've decided to write a book about Amy." She leaned back in the car and stretched. "Well, really about Amy, Suse, Janie, and me.

"

"Ah, I see." He walked behind her and gently massaged her shoulders. "A tribute of sorts?"

"Yes. A remembrance of Amy really." Carolyn relaxed under his hands. "I learned from you that everyone has a story to tell."

"T'is true. Although it may not always seem so, everyone's life touches so many others. And, it is not until the end of life that it is truly realized."

"Exactly. Amy may not have been a celebrity, but she meant so much to those of us who knew her…well, I just want her memory to go on."

"An admirable undertaking." He spun the chair around so she faced him and he pulled her to her feet. "I know it will be a loving tribute." He slid his arms around her waist.

"Thank you, Daniel." She looked at him thoughtfully. "I hope it means as much to Amy's family as your memoirs have meant to us."

"I'm certain it will be much more than that, my dear. As long as those whom one loved keep one's memory in their hearts one is never forgotten."

Carolyn rested her head against the seaman's chest. He was right and she hoped to keep Amy's memory alive as long as she lived. A friend like Amy only came around – oh, once every hundred years.

-The End-


End file.
